Tag: companionship

Between Day Sixteen and Seventeen

Miss BrokenHeartedLeave a comment

It’s official: I don’t have any romantic/sexual feelings for Luke.

It came to me during our meeting that I have every Saturday evening to meet people from all over the world, especially from Poland. This was my second meeting and it went pretty good laughing and chatting with new people. Luke had shown up later in the evening and by the end of the meeting, it was only Luke, Ernesto (a new friend I had made that evening from Mexico City! Oh yeah!) and I.

It was a great magical evening because for the first time in history, Poland had beaten German in football with 2-0. The Poles went absolutely crazy (in my books because Poles don’t really get crazy only in special occasions: birthdays, weddings, New Years, and Football.

This time it was football and everyone was happy indeed! I have never seen Poles so happy in a very long time, especially as a whole country. In fact, the last time I had seen this was New Years Eve with my ex Greg and I was drinking with strangers on the street with them offering me champagne straight from the bottle. Hey, who needs a cup when you have a celebration and free booze, right?

‘I want to dance’. I said to Luke. ‘I mean I want to celebrate this day. Let’s go out to a club!’

His eyes lit up.’Yeah, let’s go! Ernesto you want to come?’

‘Yeah, man I’m down. Let’s go!’ Ernesto is a married man with two kids, but his lovely wife and children live in Wroclaw while he works here. And he’s Mexican so they know how to party.

We walked about half a kilometer when we arrived to Klubokawiarnia where you pay a 20 zl fee to get in. Once you are there, you walk through this hallway full of couches and seating place till you get to a staircase where you have to go downstairs. You are first greeted by one small room and then if you keep walking down the corridor, you will get to a bigger room (the main room) with disco balls. From there is another room next to the bar where again, you have to walk through this dark small seating corridor, to arrive at the last room which is a medium size room where we spent our evening there.

I tell you it was crazy. I have never experienced anything like this. It was like being back in college days in Tijuana clubs but crowded and no space what so ever. The people here push and shove and they don’t even say sorry. The Poles just don’t care really. They do the same with buses, trams, etc. No manners exist in the clubs because then you will spend your evening just apologizing. So, no one does it. People push and shove at the bar like animals. Just expect that when you come to Klubokawiarnia. However, living in this country has got me to develop this thick skin so I’m used to it and it didn’t bother me at the end of it all.

In fact, I spent my evening dancing with one particular man with a beard and bald head. He seemed very fit. His name was Michael. He was pulling me real close to him, grinding me from behind and front as if I was back in the American clubs and there was one moment which I thought was hilarious.

‘So how old are you?’ I asked shouting into his ear.

‘Oh you don’t want to know how old I am! I’m too old for you.’

‘Shut up, how old? Come on!’

‘OK OK, I’m 29. Ok see, I told you I’m old.’

I hesitated to tell him the next news. ‘Well um you are not that old. Cause I’m 34.’

Michael put his hands over his cheeks with a shocking surprised. ‘WHAT?! OMG you are my type of woman!!!’

Michael comes charging towards me, getting low and picking me up! I was being bounced in the club! I shrieked because I had no idea he was going to do this! I mean I’m a heavy set woman and he was able to pick me up! What a man, what a man! Though I was very flattered that he did this because when I lived in London, somehow men had a thing for picking me up in the clubs (literally). Maybe because I look like a boxing bag to them? I don’t know, but I find it pretty sexy indeed.

And as for Luke? Well there he was around the dance floor dancing but he had no moves. I love a man who can cut loose on the floor. James is not the greatest dancer, but he can sure dance to cheesy music like no other. It was at the wedding when we first danced together and he had some moves. He also liked my moves as well cause we danced all night. It was honestly a magical night for us in May. Though when I date the next man, he has to know how to move on the dance floor and not care about how he’s dancing. James has that. It’s something I really miss seeing him do. In fact, I have two small clips of us singing and dancing at this wedding. Something I will cherish for the moment.

At the end of the evening, Michael told me he was engaged (typical), and walked out with Luke and Ernesto at 3am. I felt bad for Luke to go all the way home (since he lives far south of Warsaw) so I was nice enough to offer him to stay over at my place. He agreed.

Throughout the walk, I opened up to Luke a bit more about James and what I had with him. I also told him that I couldn’t give anything or feel anything for anyone at the moment because I am hurt and still love James. I also confessed that there was a time in the club where I heard ACDC and one of the last days I was with James, we listened and watched some ACDC videos. I got a bit sad, but then the music changed and snapped back into reality.

Luke said, ‘But Ara, that was the past. You have to forget it. You can’t live in the past.’

‘I know Luke, but it’s hard for me to move on. He was everything I wanted in man.’

Luke looked at me and said these amazing words:

You can’t live the past because it’s done. Can’t do anything about it. You can’t live the future because you don’t know the future so you can’t worry about that. But what you do know is now. You have to live now. Living the moment is all you can do. So live it now, and forget the past and future.

Wise words from a great Polish friend.

We came to my house 20 minutes later and offered him to share my twin bed with him. He agreed as well to that. I didn’t want to kiss him or do anything sexual with him. I have realized that I really enjoy his company as a friend. We flirt, but somehow I just don’t see any romance or sexual lust for him. Maybe it’s best that we are good friends.

We laid in bed with our clothes on. I took off my tights.

‘Can I cuddle you?’ I said to him tired. ‘Yes, of course you can’, said Luke as he let me put my arms around his chest.

‘You can cuddle me too if you like. I don’t mind.’

‘Oh you are giving me permission?’ Luke said with a smile. ‘It should be that I ask for permission, so Ara, can I cuddle you?’

‘Of course you can. Of course.’

With soft music playing in the background, we dozed off to sleep.

In Between Day Fifteen and Sixteen: Date with Luke

Miss BrokenHeartedLeave a comment

This was my first official date as a single woman after James decided to call it quits.

I was a bit nervous thinking, ‘Oh what to wear…’, but since the weather was very nice, I decided to wear a blue/white dress with a cream cardigan top and cream high heels. It was late evening for our meeting, however the weather in Poland can change drastically, so I wanted to take something else for warmth. I didn’t want to take my winter jacket because it was too warm to wear and I didn’t want to take my wind/rain coat because it was warm to wear. I went through my closet to find this sliver shawl that I had bought in May this year in London to wear for a wedding and with a date that evening: James. I haven’t worn that shawl since the wedding reception party. In fact, the whole outfit was a reminder of James: The heels were worn as well for the wedding and on my birthday last year with James, the dress was first seen by James and he also helped me zip it up and the shawl.

I had to put all of these things aside and tell myself, ‘Ara, he’s no longer here. You have to make new memories. Plus, it’s just clothes!’ I walked out with all of the items on and went to meet Luke in Old Town Warsaw.

I was expecting Luke to look handsome, but he looked like any other regular day; Levi’s Jeans and a long sleeve shirt. Nothing fancy. I was expecting him in slacks, button up shirt, looking very nice and with a flower in his hand, but I guess these expectations are too high for Luke.

‘Oh I thought you were going to be in slacks.’ I said.

Luke looked puzzled. ‘What are slacks?’

The trouble of dating someone whose first language isn’t English is a bit of a challenge. You will always have to correct them, fix their sentences, and give them new slang vocabulary words. I don’t mind, but at times, it does get to you. Though I’m going to make myself a new rule when dating foreigners: date them at a C1 Level, which means proficiency.

We went around the Old Town and crossed towards New Town area where we had to sit down for a while. I had worn the wrong shoes: high heels are not good for cobbled stone streets!

‘Oh don’t sit there!’, Luke said touching the benches.

‘Why? I don’t see anything on them.’

Luke shows me his fingers, ‘You see, the bench is wet and you’ll wet your dress, so let’s find some newspaper.’

Luke is a very sweet guy. VERY SWEET! And a gentleman as well. He’s the type of guy that a lovely quiet sweet girl would love to date. But why not me? Why wouldn’t I date him? I started to have feelings for him last week during Tango, but something had changed in me.

From the bench we went to see the fountains which are located in New Town Warsaw. They are very lovely at night all lighted up.

Then I came up with a great idea. ‘Luke, why don’t we practice tango here at the park?’

Luke looked at me again with that puzzled look, ‘You want to dance in the park in front of the people? Are you sure?’

I pulled out my phone and opened up my Spotify app, ‘Yah, why not? We can find a quiet spot where there isn’t many people around and we can dance it. What do you say?’

Hesitating for a bit, a smile came across his face,’Yeah, why not! Let’s do it!’

We then found a nice little area where not too many people were walking around away from the fountains since we needed to listen to the music. I picked a song from a tango list that I had found and once we found a pretty good song, we danced in the park for at least 30 minutes straight! It was great! I have never danced Tango at a park with anyone. It was really a great and magical moment between us.

The weather was getting colder and I had then decided to change the scene. ‘How about we go back to my place, Luke and dance there? I have a good size of a living space.’

Luke agreed to move and off we went to catch the 118 bus to my flat. When we arrived at the flat, we both had a tea, talked about music and our passion to learn more Tango steps. We then logged on Youtube.com and found a great video for us to practice a new move at our Sunday class. We moved the furniture to make more space and started to practice over and over the new move with George able to lead forwards and backwards.

‘Are you looking at your feet?’, I said.’ Cause you know you are not suppose to be looking down.’ I gently slapped his bottom. Luke laughed. He seemed to have liked it. ‘Remember, you’re the man. Come on!’

Our evening kept going and going till 1:30am. I felt very close to him holding him very tightly, but something was missing. I just couldn’t pin it. It was getting late though, and I made him take the night bus back to his house. Luke didn’t know the neighborhood so I had to escort him to the bus stop.

We sat on the bench while Luke was getting nervous. ‘I wonder if there is a bus.’, Luke said. ‘If not, oh shit.’

‘Nah, there has to be a bus. In fact, we are five minutes early, so don’t worry. If not, oh man, I’m going to kill somebody’.

Luke raised his eyebrows.’What? You are going to kill somebody!?

Again, slang expressions must not be used with someone non-native, however if you have the time to explain to them, do it. ‘I’m not going to kill somebody. It’s a slang expression for I’m going to be very upset and might tell someone off, Luke.  But don’t worry, I won’t kill anyone’

Luke laughed, ‘OH I get it. Ok. But yeah, I hope this bus comes soon.’

The bus came 4 minute late from the due time and Luke jumped on the bus and left. I was very glad to do something amazing that evening with someone, especially with a good man. As I walked home, I started to wonder if I should had offered him to stay, but I felt it wasn’t right. After all, it was the third time seeing him in five days.

Between Day Nine and Ten

Miss BrokenHeartedLeave a comment

The weekend was filled with some tears and new happiness. Writing about the past with James has been tough for me. In fact, on Day Nine I looked at our videos when we went to my friend’s wedding in May and our time in July. James didn’t like being filmed nor photographed, but he had an exception with me. The deal was that I wouldn’t put them put on Facebook for people to see; James is a very private man. So our memories, pictures, even voice recordings are stored in my phone and camera.

Yes, I said voice recordings. When I had the chance, I would record our conversations together without James’s consent. I also have another silly confession: I even recorded James’s sleeping next to me in audio for 45 minutes so I could replay it someday while I was in Warsaw as if he was sleeping next to me. Sounds creepy, right? Geez, I can’t believe I let you in on that secrete.

My plans for Saturday were suppose to be going out with an ex-student of mine by the name of Jan. However, I had a slightly feeling he was going to cancel on me. I then remembered that I belong to a certain website where people meet from all over the world and sleep at their houses for free. I checked in and saw that they had a get together on that same evening just minutes from my flat! I clicked the ‘yes’ button to attend this get together. I had two hours to get ready.

I showed up to this meeting and couldn’t find anyone. I walked around for a bit, and still no one. Then about 10 minutes later, a Hispanic looking male came up to me.

‘Are you looking for the get together group?’ he said. I sighed with relief, ‘Yes! Oh I thought I was the only one. I’ve been looking around and can’t seem to find this group.’ He pulled out a cigarette. He was at least content that he wasn’t alone in this situation. ‘Oh good,’ He said. ‘I’m just here for one night. I just arrived from Canada and leaving somewhere else tomorrow. You’re the first person I meet in Warsaw’.

Within 5 minutes, another couple showed up and then slowly everyone had came in. By one hour, it was at least 15 people from all over the world talking and discussing things. Within this group I met George who was from Scotland. I was intrigued since he was from Scotland and I don’t really have Scottish friends, but it was nice to hear someone speak English fluently and I really enjoyed his company.

I hope it wasn’t rude, but I didn’t speak to many other people but George and two others. I kept it more interested with George since we seemed to have things in common like recent heartaches and breakups. I told George a bit about James and he fully understood. Our 8pm meeting went on till past midnight. I was getting cold and tired, yet I didn’t want the evening to end. It was very nice that George was very talkative and friendly.

At the end of our evening, George accompanied me to my flat since it was towards his direction of his flat. I could feel he was getting closer to me from the side bumping into me. George’s body language was telling me to be prepared for something.

We arrived at my gate entrance to the flat. We both were a bit nervous.

‘So, this is where I live’, I said. I pointed to the direction he should walk. ‘If you keep going up this street, you’ll get to the river and you then turn to your left and you’ll see your bridge.’

George smiled and nodded. ‘Alright, well thank you. I think I’ll find it.’

I opened my arms in front of me not knowing what to do. ‘Um, well how do we say “Good-Bye”? With a hand shake or hug?’

George came towards me, got me by the arms and gave me a light peck kiss on the lips. Pause. Kissed me again. Pause. And then full on in a gentle nice way. I clearly wasn’t expecting this, but I went with it. It feels nice to be kissed softly. Reminded me of when James would kiss me in bed after making love.

I didn’t want that night to end. The thought of having a male with me to cuddle me and spend time together was something I needed. I missed being next to a man. The last man I was with was James. The idea of having the scent of a man near me, to comfort me, to hold me, to kiss me in bed under the covers, to touch the back of my neck and hair while kissing me…are the things I miss with James. But James isn’t here. He left me empty. I needed a temporary fill-in.

‘Ok, well…now that you kissed me, I was thinking if you would like to come up with me to my flat and have a cup of tea. Also, you can spend the night with me, but I personally do not want to be sexual.’ George knew where I was coming from and he understood. He came up with me, had a good conversation over tea, put my pj’s on, watched a Simpson’s episode on YouTube, kissed for a bit and went to sleep.